Skewer

Have you ever turned over a big rock or rotting piece of wood and found tons of spiders, earwigs, rock chucks, termites, and treasure maps? I've never found a treasure map or a rock chuck.

At work today I was assessing a sprinkler "situation." There was some sprinkler valves leaking and I was trying to find them. For those of you who don't know, (who am I kidding by saying "those of you ..." I'm the only one who reads this and I already "know" ...) sprinkler valves are generally found buried inside green boxes in the yard or flower bed. So I was going through this man's yard opening all the valve boxes I could. The homeowner was following me, which bugs me. Even worse, he couldn't hear worth a darn but I felt the need to explain what I was doing anyway. So I would say something and he would say, "heh?" and I would repeat it louder and slower. After a while I got tired and just pretended he wasn't there. That's when I started being efficient.

Anyway, that isn't the story. This is: I opened a valve box and found a mouse nest. It had two adult mice hiding inside. Coincidentally, that was the box with the problems. He asked if he should get rid of them and I said yes. He left while I went and found other valve boxes (at that time I still wasn't sure where the problem was). I saw him heading for the mouse box and went to meet him, expecting to see him with moth balls, poison, or a plastic bag and rubber gloves. Nope. He had a hammer and another tool I would best describe as a "poker."

The old man got down on his knees and nonchalantly began to stab at the mice. I was pretty stunned that he was attempting to stab them with a hand tool. I honestly didn't think he would be quick enough. Well, I was wrong. I stood with my mouth gaping as he landed one right in the belly. Sick.

Did you know that I generally don't even kill bugs I find in my house? Lindsey gets upset with me because I usually just put them outside. I don't know what it is about me, but I don't usually smash them. Don't think I'm weird or anything. I'm not trying to make a statement about killing bugs. I don't think it is wrong to do so, especially if those bugs have trespassed into your living quarters. If Lindsey requests, I will smash whatever she wants without hesitation, but left to my own decisions ... I usually just put them outside or don't even do anything to them. Anyway, the point is: I don't usually kill things, not because I think there is something morally wrong with it. I just feel uncomfortable. I especially don't stab mice with pokers. Imagine how uncomfortable I was watching this man stab mice with a poker!

So after the first mouse was skewered and thrown to the side, he started jabbing at the other one. It was running back and forth inside the box trying to evade death. I, on the other hand, was standing a few feet away, hypnotized. The old man finally got the mouse right in the head. He pushed hard against the head and pinned it between the poker and the ground. I heard bones crunch and that was that. Oh except that afterwards the man stumbled to his feet and tried to fling the mouse into the trees to our right. It didn't come off the way he hoped and it flew right in front of my face, missing me by just a little. I swear, if it would have hit my face I would ruined his sprinkler system. Probably because that is the only leverage I had against the man.

Am I wrong to feel uncomfortable watching this man try and stab mice with a poker? I'm lucky he didn't try and smash them with a hammer. I probably would have thrown up in his hair. Either that or shed tears of sadness in his hair. Maybe both.